Election Week

On this horrible day...

I am writing with a wounded heart. I had an election-related post written for tonight originally, but it was written under the guise of us still not knowing the results. I didn’t expect to find out so soon. I was completely gob smacked this morning.

This is not ok, none of this is ok. I’m done with being nice and being the bigger person. But where do you put the rage? Where does it go when you want to let it out in a healthy way (not calling people assholes which is where you’re currently at)? How do you heal the knife to the heart that some of your own family are celebrating today and voted the way they did, knowing it could directly impact your life?

How do you deal with the fear of what’s to come? How do you leave the house when you live in an area where people are going to be even more emboldened to not give a f*ck than they were before?

Right now, I’m a puddle. I’m not sure how to get back up. But I know once I will, I will be prepared to fight again. I will try to help the people most affected by this preposterous decision in any way I can. I will be more vocal about my thoughts and opinions, even if I lose family and friends as a result. Even if I have to deal with some arguments and confrontation.

I’m sorry to everyone who has also been directly affected by this decision. I’m sorry we’ve never been better and continue to not be better for you.

Here’s what I had written earlier in the week…

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I don’t talk a lot about politics on here. One, because I’m averse to confrontation and two, because disability issues can and should cross party lines. A Republican president enacted the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and a Democratic president declared the pandemic “over” when it’s far from over, leading to many more preventable deaths and cases of Long COVID (which can lead people to become disabled).

That being said, I can’t I ignore how living with a disability has defined how I vote and how I feel politically. The two are inextricably linked. To leave that out is to leave out a big part of who I am. With the election yesterday, it felt like the right time to share. I realize I may lose some followers for this, but I don’t want to be deny or keep quiet on my beliefs just to keep everyone else comfortable, so here it goes…

I’m a progressive. I understand not everyone who is disabled is the same, but for me, there’s no other way to be. I was born part of a marginalized group. I’ve experienced discrimination. I know what it’s like to be the only one in the room who is different. All of my struggles and obstacles have garnered a huge amount of compassion for anyone who has ever had to deal with the same things. I believe everyone deserves love, happiness, acceptance, a living wage, and health insurance. I believe every woman has the right to choose what to do with her own body. I believe banning books is ignorant and ridiculous. I believe the world could use a lot more drag shows and drag queens. I believe there are way too many innocent people of color in our prisons. I believe climate change is real. I believe in separation of church and state. I believe we can’t get through this life alone and we need to help and support each other. I believe that life is not an even playing field and that “picking yourself up by the bootstraps” is bullsh*t and not something everyone has the option to do.

I remember I wrote about this same topic on my old blog a long time. I got exactly one comment and it read “You just want free handouts”. Let me be clear…I work full time (I actually had 2 jobs for a long time), but if I was no longer able to do that, I would have every right to go on disability. That’s not a free handout. That’s a social system that’s in place to help people who aren’t physically able to earn a living any other way. And there is absolutely zero shame in that. And newsflash…being on disability barely pays enough to even get by in most of the country anyway.

There’s a quote by James Baldwin that I love and have shared in 2017 and again this election year.

We can disagree and still love each other, unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

I would add to this “unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression [or the oppression of anyone I know and love]'‘. It’s a nice thought to agree to disagree. Working across the aisle is the only thing that really makes politics work. But this isn’t a normal election, nor were the last two. You aren’t dealing with two normal political candidates. You’re dealing with one actual political candidate, and one who has been charged with multiple crimes, said horrible and demeaning things about women, immigrants, and people of color, has said positive things about white supremacists and Hitler and his generals, wants to get rid of his enemies, and doesn’t want there to be another election if he’s voted in (which is literally the opposite of a democracy). So no…we can’t agree to disagree when it comes to this election. There’s a difference between disagreeing with policies and agreeing with racism and misogyny and taking people’s rights away, especially the rights of myself and other people I love and care about. Hate isn’t a political platform and it sure as hell isn’t going to do anything for the economy or lower gas prices.

On a personal note, the Affordable Care Act (ACA) made a huge difference in my life. Before it was enacted, insurance companies could deny me coverage based on my disability (a “pre-existing condition”). When I got laid off in 2011, I had to use a program we have called COBRA to continue my coverage so I was able to still have health insurance…and I paid through the nose for it even though I was unemployed. If that gets repealed, I could be denied coverage again if any kind of qualifying event happens. I’m not saying the ACA doesn’t have room for improvement, but if it’s repealed, it would very much affect me and people like me.

There have been so many ridiculous, hateful things brought up in the last decade. So much blame put on people who have had nothing to do with how hard the last 4 years have been. They’ve just been distractions from the real issues—a way to blame marginalized people for personal hardships. I think, deep down, all of us want the same thing, we’re just going about it differently.

Now that Election Day is over, all any of us can do is wait. If you’re having major election anxiety like I am, here are a couple of (hopefully helpful) tips:

• Digital detox - Get off the internet! Connect with friends but give yourself a break from reading and watching all of the latest news. It’s good to be informed, but there is such a thing as taking in too much information and getting overwhelmed (trust me, I know).

• Focus on what you can control - This is coming from a person who really struggles with this so if you do too, I get it. In times like these, I think it can feel like we’re being apathetic if we aren’t focusing on the state of the country or the world, but it’s not. You can still care and take action on things you care about while not lying awake at night or inducing massive anxiety over the things you can’t control. Once you’ve voted, unfortunately there’s not much else you can control from there, so do whatever you need to to take care of you. You can always control that.

• Connect with friends - Call or text that friend you’ve been meaning to. Send a voice note to someone to tell them how much you love or appreciate them. Check in on someone who is also struggling.

• Write or journal - I’ve had a lot of rage since 2016 that was only made worse by the pandemic. It started coming out in unhealthy ways so I switched to journaling out all of my emotions and it’s really helped. Something about getting the thoughts and emotions out of my head and onto a page really helps.

• Meditate - I harp on this all the time, I know, but it really is super helpful! Even just 5 minutes. It’s not going to make your brain turn off because that’s not how meditation works, but it creates space between your thoughts and your emotions which can then make you feel more at peace. Nowadays there are even guided meditations specifically for election-related anxiety.

• Dance/Sing it out - When I’m angry or stressed, there’s nothing I love more than playing my music really loud at home or in the car. If you’re able…have a dance or a sing fest to your favorite tune. Here’s one of my favorites for right now:

And for a more calm one I’ve been listening to a lot lately (it’s also the theme from the show Shrinking which if you have Apple TV+, I highly recommend):

❤️ and ☮️ everyone.