From the Archives: Consequences & Compassion

The choices you make have an impact...

[image description: Two hands are folded over each other and holding a heart. In front of a pair of legs wearing jeans are rose petals scattered across green grass] Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels

This week’s archive post really jumped out when I was going through all my old posts today (which has been kind of a fun exercise). I’ve been in a bit of a fired-up mood today, and I could tell that I wrote this post when I was equally as fired-up.

I think that sometimes people don't really understand the concept of how far reaching things that may seem harmless or funny to them can be for people with disabilities. I don't think that means there's always ill intent or that people mean to be cruel, I think it just doesn't always occur to people. Here are some of the big ones in my book:

• When you park in a disabled stall and don't need one, not only are you depriving people of something they need, you're also setting them up to be questioned by others in the future. People with mobility issues but no mobility aids have to deal with constantly having the legitimacy of their disability questioned because other people have abused use of the parking stalls in the past.

• When you think it's funny or harmless to use a wheelchair at an amusement park when you don't have a disability, you force the system to get so drastically changed that people who actually have disabilities now have to constantly justify themselves when they go to the park and sometimes can't even get the assistance the need.

• When you think it's no big deal to just get a doctor's note or buy a bib online so you can make it look like your dog is a service dog so you don't have to pay to board them or so you can them on an airplane, you're forcing airlines to have to crack down on abuse, thereby forcing people who actually need service dogs to have to undergo an interrogation every time they fly if they don't "look" disabled. Same goes for if you pre-board and don't need it.

The bottom line is, your actions and what you say mean something and have consequences. They do for all of us. You can think it's just no big deal and anyone who has a problem with it is too sensitive but the reality is, it is a big deal. And it isn't playing the victim or being too uptight to be upset by what people say or do when they're abusing the system or being inconsiderate. Your needs don't come above anyone else's. Making your life more convenient might make someone else's a lot more difficult. Accessibility options are in place for a reason: because people exist who need them.

The other reason I picked this post is that all 3 of these things still ring so true. I know we’re all guilty of getting too focused on ourselves sometimes and we do careless things without ill-intent (I include myself in that), but the occurrence of these things is so prevalent, that that’s when it becomes a problem. And it’s indicative of a much larger problem that I’ll talk more about below.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people park in a disabled parking stall just to “run in” and get something, leaving me with nowhere to park because the rest of the lot is full, or having to park really far away, or drive around until a closer spot opens up.

One that I didn’t include but is also a big issue is people using the disabled stall in the bathroom that don’t need it. People often use them simply because they’re bigger and therefore they think it’s their own personal changing room. I physically can’t get off most toilets so the height and grab bars are super important. And the larger size of the stalls is super important for people who are in a wheelchair or powerchair. So many places put baby changing tables in these stalls too which makes it even more difficult to get access to them.

[image description: Infographic that reads, “Some disabilities look like this” with illustrations of people with various mobility aids and “Some look like this” with an illustration of a person standing with no mobility aids]

In the last few years, I’ve started using Electric Conveyance Vehicles (ECV) when I go to theme parks since I can’t walk or stand for nearly as long as I used to. ECVs give me the freedom to be able to enjoy my day fully and stay at wherever I’m at for as long as I want. Before that, I would just ask to avoid stairs on any rides because it’s so hard for me to go up and down them and doing so makes me way more likely to fall. I’ve gotten all manner of skepticism for that over the years so I thought when I started using ECVs that would change and people might actually “believe” I was disabled. It was a rude awakening to find out that people still don’t always believe me even when I just spent $80 to rent a mobility aid for myself. Some of that I think comes from the people in the past who have abused the system and rented mobility aids simply to avoid having to wait in line.

For just about as long as I could talk, I’ve had to justify my disability to people. I’ve been told all manner of things about why I don’t “look” disabled including, but not limited to, I “don’t have any visual queues” (guess a really obvious limp doesn’t count?), and I’m “pretty” so people “don’t think I’m disabled” (because disabled people can’t be attractive, right?). And as more people who don’t need these accessibility options use them or abuse them, the amount of justifying I’ve had to do has only increased.

One of the biggest catalysts for me to start blogging and writing about my experience was that I wanted to show people that disability comes in many different forms. There is no formula. There is no “one” way to be disabled. And most importantly, that just because we don’t look the way you think we’re supposed to, doesn’t mean we’re faking it, or that we’re not “disabled enough”.

No one is perfect, but I hope people can be more aware that their actions have consequences. That thing you think is “no big deal” may have a huge impact on someone’s day or their ability to access something they need, and it could have far-reaching consequences for disabled people’s ability to get the access and accessibility they need in the future. I know we all could benefit from a little more compassion these days.