Look on the Bright Side

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So the subject of this is actually a phrase I kind of hate…mostly because it tends used when you’re feeling your feels about something crappy that’s happened and people are trying to get you to “snap out of it” which is just never helpful.

That being said, I’ve often not been a person who “looks on the bright side”. They say hindsight is 20/20 but hindsight for me is often still gloomy. I can easily recall good or fun memories, but I have a hard time remembering the good things that have happened to me or the times when things worked out. It more often feels like the odds are stacked against me. I think it’s hard not to feel that way as a disabled person because we’re literally living in a world that isn’t set up for us (and often doesn’t treat us very well either).

Though there certainly have been some odds in a stack—especially lately—there still have been countless times in my life when I’ve been extremely fortunate, when I’ve had great timing, when I followed my gut and it’s taken me right where I needed to go, and when things have very much worked out. Like physical exercise, I’m trying to mentally exercise my mind to recall these times more easily.

I’m going to focus on just one for this post. Picture it…Sicily…(major brownie points if you know what that’s a reference to)…I was in my only real long-term relationship (which really wasn’t all that long-term if we’re being honest). Though I had my own apartment, for all intents and purposes, I had basically moved in with him. My apartment was just kind of the “when I need to get away because it’s too much for me here” place. Or the place I’d stay when a friend came to visit. When my lease was coming up for my apartment, the expectation was that I would fully move in with my boyfriend. I won’t go into all the gory details, but it was not a healthy relationship. I could feel that my boyfriend was not ready to commit to me in the ways I needed him to, especially emotionally. So, I followed my gut and told him I couldn’t move in with him and was going to find another place.

I found out from my dad that a family friend of ours who always rented out a room in her house, was going to have the room free again soon. I called her as soon as I could. She told me she had already rented it out to a coworker of hers who had just started and moved from out-of-state. I was gutted but determined to find another place. A few days later, that same family friend called me and said she had worked something out. She had a 3 bedroom house so she was going to rent out the other two rooms, instead of just the one so her coworker and I could move in. It was incredibly generous (especially if you knew the rent I was paying too).

While all of this was happening, I had been forced to quit my job so I wasn’t even employed. Our family friend not only gave up one of her rooms, she rented to me when I was job-less. She gave me a break in the rent during the couple of months I didn’t have a job too.

Because I lived closer to the university I had gone to too, I was able to get some job interviews over there. It took just a couple of months and I found a part-time gig I could do mostly from home—in my field too! I kept that part-time job for almost a decade too (even when I had found a full-time job).

Not long after I had moved in, my boyfriend also broke up with me. Even though he was the one that said the words, he still gave me the credit because I had been the one strong enough to say I wasn’t going to move with him. I still feel proud of myself for that to this day. Not because I was the one who technically “ended it”, but because I knew it was ending before it did and I put myself first.

So there I was, in a new place, newly single. It couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. Our family friend/my new landlord was incredibly supportive and the other roommate who I met a few days after I moved in, ended up becoming one of my very good friends. She was trying to meet new people and be social since she was new to the area (and the state), so my introverted self got to go along with her for so many fun adventures. I got to meet friends that I’m still in touch with to this day too. I’ve told her this before, but she literally dragged me out of that post-breakup slump I was in, and I’m forever grateful to them both for how they helped during that time.

This is such a huge example of how things have worked out for me. A lot of it was luck and timing, but if I hadn’t followed my gut and not moved in with my boyfriend, I never would have been looking for another place. Then I never would have found that place that I ended up living in for over a decade or made a great new friend. I probably wouldn’t have gotten the part-time job that helped me sustain for years when my full-time job paid very little. I never would have had such great support around me as I navigated my breakup either (which was going to come whether I lived with the dude or not). Not to mention, if I didn’t have that family friend who rented a room, I likely would never have been able to find another place to move into either. I very likely might have ended up moving in with my boyfriend anyway. I’m pretty sure no one would have given a lease to an unemployed 20-something.

I had so many amazing memories in that house and in that room I rented. It wasn’t always easy or perfect (and I am not always easy to live with, let me tell you), but I still miss it all the time. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it at that point in my life, and it led to so many other great things. It allowed me the financial freedom to do so much and gave me the experience if living in a city that I truly loved. I think as I start to look back more, I’m going to find a lot more of those moments too.

Do you have a time in your life where everything just kind of worked out or fell into place just like you hoped/needed it to?