You are a great writer, Jackie, and I really appreciate the perspective you bring. If you're looking for future topics, I'd love to learn about your experience as a new dog owner -- the good and the not so good.
That’s super helpful, thank you! Off of Substack, I can talk about pretty much nothing but my dog so if people are interested in hearing that here, then even better 😂 Appreciate the compliment too. Coming from a great writer like you, it means a lot!
This has given me lots to think about Jackie, so interesting to reflect on what type of writer you are. I haven’t given much thought to defining it really other than I write about life with MS. Like you I definitely focus on the emotional/psychological impact though.
I took one of those personality tests at work with about twelve other people—all of my traits focused on being analytical and rational.
The truth is, I have experienced a lot of emotional pain related to my disability, and I have not expressed it very much.
For people who are not disabled, when they hear about a difficult part of my life, they usually react with pity. They say things like “you poor thing”, or “you’re so brave”, or “I will pray for you.”
I think pity puts ableism into high gear, and you become an object of pity, rather than a person.
So, my advice to students (or anyone who asks me) is to take a calm, reasoned approach to asking for accommodations. If explanations are necessary, just be factual, don’t try to get them to act out of pity.
I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes feel critical of people who are “easy criers”. I have only recently begun to understand that some people are on the emotional end of the spectrum, just as I am on the rational, matter-of-fact end of the same spectrum.
I’ve taken several of those personality tests too. They’re really interesting, but I think they’re too binary sometimes. I think we can all be multiple things. I’m emotional when it comes to certain things, but I’m very rational and methodical when it comes to others. I’m definitely one of those easy to cry people, but I don’t feel ashamed of it anymore like I did growing up. It’s how I process my feelings. I cry, I feel better. That’s a really interesting point about the pity thing. I’ve had so many of those responses too but I still mostly try to appeal to people’s emotions when asking for accessibility. I also don’t live around a lot of rational people in the area I live in right now 😂 But not everyone has a heart to care either. I definitely hope I’m not coming across as trying to induce pity here. My only purpose has always been to show what I deal with everyday, the good and the bad, because I think so many people have the privilege of not having to think about it, or it just doesn’t occur to them what living with a disability like mine is like. I also felt really alone growing up and being the only disabled person I knew so I always hope to make at least one person feel less alone in what they’re dealing with. I can’t control how people respond or interpret what I say or write unfortunately (that’s been a hard life lesson overall). I’m sure that means sometimes I get the pity response (directly or indirectly). Thanks for the thought provoking comment!
I didn’t think you were trying to evoke pity with this post. Partly, I wanted to juxtapose your personality/perspective from mine.
Partly, I just wanted to hold up a different approach PWD can take.
I just think that if we evoke pity in others, we slide down into the “less than” category and that’s where we get patronized, rejected, and (ironically) get both over-accommodated AND resented at the same time.
If you can get to empathy with people, that’s a whole different ball game.
So psyched to have thoughtful, engaged PWD at Substack! 🤓
That’s the perfect way to put it. Empathy versus pity. I think trying to evoke pity from people on purpose is emotionally manipulative too, but that’s a topic that could be its own Substack too lol. I wasn’t very clear in my comment either. I meant I hoped I didn’t come across as trying to evoke pity in my writing/Substack in general, not this specific post. Totally agree with your last sentence too 😊
Thank you Emily! I always think I’m a pretty self-aware person but I’ve also known people who think they are self-aware and are, in fact, the exact opposite. So I appreciate the validation on that 😊
You are a great writer, Jackie, and I really appreciate the perspective you bring. If you're looking for future topics, I'd love to learn about your experience as a new dog owner -- the good and the not so good.
That’s super helpful, thank you! Off of Substack, I can talk about pretty much nothing but my dog so if people are interested in hearing that here, then even better 😂 Appreciate the compliment too. Coming from a great writer like you, it means a lot!
This has given me lots to think about Jackie, so interesting to reflect on what type of writer you are. I haven’t given much thought to defining it really other than I write about life with MS. Like you I definitely focus on the emotional/psychological impact though.
Thank you Jane! I really appreciate that and appreciate what you write very much too 😊
Love this look into your writing style, Jackie!
Thanks Chris!
I took one of those personality tests at work with about twelve other people—all of my traits focused on being analytical and rational.
The truth is, I have experienced a lot of emotional pain related to my disability, and I have not expressed it very much.
For people who are not disabled, when they hear about a difficult part of my life, they usually react with pity. They say things like “you poor thing”, or “you’re so brave”, or “I will pray for you.”
I think pity puts ableism into high gear, and you become an object of pity, rather than a person.
So, my advice to students (or anyone who asks me) is to take a calm, reasoned approach to asking for accommodations. If explanations are necessary, just be factual, don’t try to get them to act out of pity.
I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes feel critical of people who are “easy criers”. I have only recently begun to understand that some people are on the emotional end of the spectrum, just as I am on the rational, matter-of-fact end of the same spectrum.
Perhaps we complement each other’s approach!
I’ve taken several of those personality tests too. They’re really interesting, but I think they’re too binary sometimes. I think we can all be multiple things. I’m emotional when it comes to certain things, but I’m very rational and methodical when it comes to others. I’m definitely one of those easy to cry people, but I don’t feel ashamed of it anymore like I did growing up. It’s how I process my feelings. I cry, I feel better. That’s a really interesting point about the pity thing. I’ve had so many of those responses too but I still mostly try to appeal to people’s emotions when asking for accessibility. I also don’t live around a lot of rational people in the area I live in right now 😂 But not everyone has a heart to care either. I definitely hope I’m not coming across as trying to induce pity here. My only purpose has always been to show what I deal with everyday, the good and the bad, because I think so many people have the privilege of not having to think about it, or it just doesn’t occur to them what living with a disability like mine is like. I also felt really alone growing up and being the only disabled person I knew so I always hope to make at least one person feel less alone in what they’re dealing with. I can’t control how people respond or interpret what I say or write unfortunately (that’s been a hard life lesson overall). I’m sure that means sometimes I get the pity response (directly or indirectly). Thanks for the thought provoking comment!
I didn’t think you were trying to evoke pity with this post. Partly, I wanted to juxtapose your personality/perspective from mine.
Partly, I just wanted to hold up a different approach PWD can take.
I just think that if we evoke pity in others, we slide down into the “less than” category and that’s where we get patronized, rejected, and (ironically) get both over-accommodated AND resented at the same time.
If you can get to empathy with people, that’s a whole different ball game.
So psyched to have thoughtful, engaged PWD at Substack! 🤓
That’s the perfect way to put it. Empathy versus pity. I think trying to evoke pity from people on purpose is emotionally manipulative too, but that’s a topic that could be its own Substack too lol. I wasn’t very clear in my comment either. I meant I hoped I didn’t come across as trying to evoke pity in my writing/Substack in general, not this specific post. Totally agree with your last sentence too 😊
You're stuck with me, kid. Keep being you! xo
The self-awareness really struck me here. I think it's an important part of opening up online.
Thank you Emily! I always think I’m a pretty self-aware person but I’ve also known people who think they are self-aware and are, in fact, the exact opposite. So I appreciate the validation on that 😊