What Going to an Event Looks Like

[Image Description: A sepia toned image of a large crowd at a concert. You see the backs of everyone’s heads as they look forward at a brightly lit stage. Smoke seemingly emits from the light blocks on the stage.] Image Credit: Photo by Yvette de Wit on Unsplash

I talk a lot here about the challenges I and other disabled people face in our day-to-day. Going to events like concerts can often be one of the most challenging. Back in April, I went to a concert at a local casino. I wanted to outline what that experience looked like for me because I don’t think people always realize just how much pre-planning and stress can go into doing something that might seem easy or simple to them.

Before the concert, I had to first figure out where my seats were. My mom had gotten the tickets for free so she had to pick them up and ask where our seats were so I knew if there would be steps, and if I could bring my walker or not. She also checked to see if there was a railing if there were steps because I can’t get up and down steps without one. I had tried to find pictures beforehand of the theater, but some photos showed a railing and some didn’t. This happens a lot, you can try to find the information you need ahead of time, but it may not even be available.

I also had to look up the parking options online, including looking their location up on Google Street View to see how far the parking was from the entrance, and also where the theater was. Because of timing and not being able to walk too far, I ended up deciding to just valet (which was not cheap at $20–this is often called the disabled tax). It saved me a lot of exertion though because the structure was pretty far from where we needed to go and was also very busy. I wasn’t sure I would even be able to get a disabled parking spot.

Timing can be a crucial thing too. I always have to allow for extra time for anything I go to like this because I need to make sure I have enough time to get to where I need to. I also walk slower and more carefully so that can take more time. Plus the time it may take to park, etc. Since I did valet, we got there before the doors even opened for the show. I couldn’t take my walker because there wasn’t anywhere for me to put it with our seats, so standing for that length of a time was a little bit of a challenge (not as much so though thanks to physical therapy). So there can be such a thing as getting there too early even.

I also have to think ahead about bathroom usage. I go as many times as I can before I sit down and I wasn’t able to have any kind of drinks while I was there because it was too hard for me to get out of the seats in the event I needed to go to the bathroom. I also would have had to try climb over other people to do it. Which brings me back to the timing topic too. I had to get to the venue early enough in order get into our seats before anyone else so we wouldn’t have to climb over anyone to do it which could have led to me falling.

Then of course there’s the addition of my wearing a mask indoors. Drinking would have been hard for me to do even without the other challenges because of that. I also get some funny looks but it’s just what I have to do to keep myself safe because I’m disabled.

If I don’t go over any of this with whoever I’m going to an event with too, they often aren’t aware or just pick whatever seats they can find or are late. I’ve learned that I really have to express my needs and why it’s important that I have to do all of the above so I don’t get hurt or fall. Obviously with my mom, that’s not an issue.

I looked at my total step count for the night and it was about 3000 steps which is actually how much I try to get on my weekly walks with my mom now. I’m thankful for that, but I was a giant ball of anxiety all day. I could barely eat and I didn’t sleep well the night before. I’ve always had anxiety presence before I do anything big, but it’s definitely gotten worse after COVID. My overwhelming fear of making the wrong decision and having something bad happen is even more overwhelming. I have to plan for every little thing because otherwise I could be stuck, I could overdo it, or I could fall.

In the end, the concert was so much fun. I hadn’t been to a concert since before COVID and being in a big group like that for the same common reason, singing and having a good time was nourishment for my soul. Everything worked out really well, but I’ve come to accept that I’m always going to have some kind of anxiety ahead of time, and I’m never going to be able to just spontaneously decide to do something. That’s just not a privilege that those of us in the disabled community have.

I can’t deny that sometimes it’s so much easier to just stay home and not have to worry about all of these logistics and deal with the stress and anxiety. What I have to deal with is only a small portion of what people who use mobility aids full time have to deal with. Sometimes that is the right choice for me too because I just need to make things as easy as possible for myself. But I’m always reminded of how much joy experiences like these bring me, especially when I feel so recharged and excited the next day. I may never be able to be spontaneous or do things like this without anxiety beforehand, but I don’t want that to ever hold me back from doing them.

☮️❤️