Disability and Determination is a weekly newsletter about my experience living with a rare disability…with a little bit of meditation, pop culture, and other random things thrown in. If you like this post, give me a like with the ❤️ symbol below. This will help me get discovered by others on Substack. Drop your email in the field at the bottom and click the Subscribe button to be notified of future posts, or if you want to contribute, I offer a paid subscription option (that includes extra monthly content), or you can Buy Me a Coffee ☕
Well, I can safely say that I didn’t expect to come back from my brief hiatus having to write a post about this.
Last week I was luck enough to be able to stay by the ocean for a few nights. The very last night we were there, my leg gave out just a few feet from the front patio and down I went. It all happened so fast, I don’t even know what exactly happened to my body when I landed. I was very aware however, of my head hitting the wooden walkway. Not a great sound, let me tell you.
We went from this:
To this (I have an actual brace on it now that I got from the doctor):
Thankfully my head was ok. My mom did the check for all the signs of a concussion and I never blacked out. My leg and ankle however did not fare so well. I could tell by the pain and swelling that I’d twisted something at the very least. I got very few hours of sleep the first night because the pain was so bad.
The next morning, the pain was a lot better, but the swelling was still very much there. I was super lucky I had “Red” with me too and have been using her a ton these last few days. I finally acquiesced and got an-person doctor’s appointment to try get an X Ray to make sure nothing was broken. I’m very grateful that came back clean. It did however, come back with “minor degenerative joint disease” which was news to me. Haven’t even hit my birthday month yet and it’s going downhill real quick.
I’ve done a pretty good job at staying positive and not spiraling down the “what if” anxiety rabbit hole with this whole thing (a rarity for me, to say the least). It’s been a very sobering experience as a person living with a disability though. I sprained my ankles a couple of times as a kid but I don’t remember it being particularly difficult. Other than hurting my back or my knees, I’ve been very fortunate that with all the falls I’ve had.
For most people, it may not sound like a sprained ankle is a big deal. You can use crutches or get around on one leg in most cases. In my case however, I don’t have the strength to do that. I need both legs at all times, and my arms are in no way strong enough to be able to lift me using only one leg. I realized that I have no idea what I would do if I ever did break something. The “simplest” things like getting out of bed have been really challenging because I can’t use both legs. Getting up and down from literally anything, even my lift chair…have to use both legs. I never realized just how much I truly use every bit of muscle in my whole body just to get through the day. It’s just become so automatic.
The doctor also said that the healing time for a sprain can be 6-8 weeks. I was worried I was going to have to try keep totally off of it for that long which was going to lead me to have to cancel all of my birthday plans next month. Apparently, as long as the pain or swelling isn’t getting worse, then it shouldn’t take that long for me to resume some sort of normalcy. I do not do well sitting around or being in bed for hours at a time, let me tell you. I know that’s a rather ableist viewpoint because some people don’t have a choice and that’s totally ok. I’ve just never been someone who feels good after sitting or laying in bed for too long. Getting things done and working keeps my mental health up. I’m fortunate I have a job that I can do sitting down too (with my ankle propped up).
For now though, I’m looking at it as a blessing in disguise. It’s forced me to slow down. I’ve gotten to catch up on a lot of my shows that I missed while I was watching the Olympics the last couple of weeks. I’ve been so focused on my injury that all of the other worries and stresses I had before just kind of melted away and don’t seem so important anymore. I’ve gotten more reading done and I’ve allowed myself to ask for help because I really do need it.
This particular fall definitely scared me for the future, more than any other one ever has, especially if I don’t have my parents to take care of me anymore. I shudder to think what that might look like. I don’t have to worry about it yet, but it’s a very real fear sitting there in the back of my head (where it also still hurts a little 😂).
This has also been major reinforcement of why I still take the COVID precautions I do, even though it takes a toll on my social life and mental health sometimes. Long COVID could do so many similar things to my body. I really can’t afford to lose anymore of my strength.
I have to, once again, give my body loads of credit though. Considering how fast and hard I fell, it could have been a lot worse, especially when it came to my head. I’m thankful that after that first night, the pain was low enough that I’ve been able to sleep. I’m hoping my ankle continues to heal so I can get back to my normal routine a bit, but for now, I’m trying to take it as easy as I can. Because I’m not physically able to put zero weight on my left leg, I know that could mean it takes longer to heal.
On that topic too, my friend pointed me to this YouTube channel. It’s run by an occupational therapist (OT) and she has tons of videos addressing all kinds of injuries and accessibility needs. She literally had one on the best way to sleep with an ankle injury and thanks to her, I’m now the proud owner of one of these:
Who knew that I could have just consulted YouTube for occupational therapy instead of fighting my health insurance provider for months for it?
Thanks for all the comments and love while I was off! Look forward to talking to you all again 🤗
Ahhhhh Jackie I'm so sorry! I remember those days all too well, ugh. I'm glad you didn't hit your head too hard and get a concussion though.
Let me know if I can help in any way.